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Fic: Choice; Roy/Tim; PG

Title: Choice
Author: Aravis Tarkheena
Pairing: Roy/Tim
Rating: G
Warnings: ANGST!
Disclaimer: Not mine
Word Count: 500
Author’s Notes: YAY AUDIO FIC! So I felt like I wasn’t getting the emotions Tim was feeling across with his dialog, so I decided to record myself reading the fic in the way that I imagined Tim would say it. I fuck up at the end and say one of the narrative parts, but I’m not going to re-record it. Underneath the link is the written fic.



Choice





“I love you, Tim. I love you and no matter how bad things get, I’ll always be here for you. It’ll get better, Tim. It will.” Roy desperately tried to reassure Tim.

“I used to believe that.” Tim’s voice was harsh and bitter. “After Steph died I just kept telling myself that things would get better. They got better after mom died, so they would get better after Steph, I just had to keep moving forward with my life. So I moved forward, believing things would be better.

“Then Dad died. And I still believed things would be better. I told myself, it was the same thing, there was just a little more to deal with this time and I could handle it. It would get better if I just kept moving.

“Then Kon died.” Tim’s voice tightened and lips pursed together. “And then Bart.

“And it was like I just kept getting hit in the face, and I didn’t get a chance to pull back, stand up and catch my breath and wait for the cold shock to wear off before I got hit again.”

Tim took a deep breath as if struggling to get enough air in his lungs. “And then I just… stopped believing it would get better. And I started to wonder who would be next. Would it be Babs or Dick or Bruce or Cassie? When would I answer the phone and hear someone tell me they were dead?”

He ran a hand across his tight face and as he spoke, his voice rose. With panic. With grief. “And I go through my life with that gnawing anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Everything I do, everything I think about is subconscious because the only thing in the front of my mind is this numbing… fog… that I can’t seem to see past or get around.”

“I can’t feel anything anymore. I see people falling in love or getting angry and the strongest thing I can manage is vague annoyance. It’s ridiculous because everyone has something inside them, so how is it possible that I don’t?”

“I want to be able to feel again. It all feels so terrible and I want it to stop. And I just don’t know what to do to make it better. I can’t figure out how to make it better.”

“So don’t…” Tim’s voice was rough and low. “So don’t try and make me believe in an eternity that doesn’t even exist.” He was panting now and his voice was low and agonized. “There’s no such thing as forever and anyone who believes there is, is an idot.”

“So you’re going to what?” Roy asked gently, “Choose to live the rest of your life in the hollow emptiness of isolationism?”

Tim looked up at Roy and his eyes were bleak and empty. “That’s the thing Roy, I don’t even have a choice.”

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
saavikam77
Dec. 1st, 2007 11:36 pm (UTC)
Oh, Tim!!!! O_O *holds him tight* :( You don't have to be alone!!

*cries for him*

Beautifully bitter, hon. Bravo!
aravistarkheena
Dec. 1st, 2007 11:54 pm (UTC)
I was crying a little while I wrote it. Poor Timmy :(((

I should be nicer to him...


I really like your icon by the way.
greeneyelove
Dec. 2nd, 2007 02:43 am (UTC)
Oh Timmy. His pain is so vivid here, as ir Roy's desperation to reach out to him.

Bravo!
aravistarkheena
Dec. 2nd, 2007 03:29 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it.
darthbatgirl
Dec. 3rd, 2007 01:46 am (UTC)
OH TIM! Roy just needs to club Tim over the head and take him somewhere and keep him there till Tim gets better.

I love this.
aravistarkheena
Dec. 3rd, 2007 05:37 am (UTC)
I feel like, this particular story doesn't have a happy ending. :(

I need to write some mindless Roy/Tim sap.
ex_felonazc
Sep. 10th, 2008 01:34 am (UTC)
*bursts into tears*

I admit, I was intrigued by the audio tag (first tags always do that to me), and I figured I had a couple minutes with nothing to do. Reading it was bad enough, but listening to it? *wails* I go all monotone when I read things out loud, even really emotional things, but you... Bravo!

*hugs Tim*
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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